Several years ago, I went through a breakup. Honestly, it was the worst one I have ever been through. Although, I remember clearly thinking that it was almost a relief to be done with that relationship.
We weren’t compatible. We wanted different things out of life. It was for the best, really.
So, imagine my shock a few weeks later to find myself deeply missing my ex.
Why was this happening?
I surely didn’t miss him at first. And I had already decided that us splitting up was for the best.
Perhaps you are dealing with a similar predicament.
- You are missing your ex
- You are wonderingWHY you are missing your ex
- You are trying to figure out what to do about missing your ex
Well, guess what we are going to talk about today?
If you guessed “why you are missing your ex and what to do about it,” then you would be correct.
Why We Miss An Ex
It is completely normal to miss your ex after a breakup. In fact, I can say with the utmost certainty that everyone misses their ex at least a little after a breakup, even if they know it was necessary. Although, not everyone is probably willing to admit this.
If you found your way to this article, you’re probably looking for more than “It is totally normal” and that is good because I am about to hook you up.
Today, we are going to cover why we miss our exes and go over specific circumstances and tell you what to do in each case.
By the time you are done reading, I hope you feel a little better about suddenly missing your ex.
Okay, Okay. So, why in the world do you actually miss your ex?
Well, there are two reasons… science… and not science.
Let’s talk about science first.
When you are around someone for a prolonged period of time, your body produces certain hormones.
These hormones paired with neurotransmittersform what we know as emotions and attachments.
If you want to get really scientific, the specific hormones and neurotransmitters that are most related to romantic connections are oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine. Then there is always estrogen in women and testosterone in men.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz
Here is the thing though, we all produce these hormones naturally. Then, when you are romantic with someone, these chemicals increase. Your body, and specifically your brain, become used to functioning with a high level of these chemicals.
Now that you are broken up, your body is quite literally withdrawals from your ex as it stops producing these high levels of chemicals.
This “crash” is what contributes to those strong feelings of missing someone.
The… Not Science
Now, if my super-scientific explanation above didn’t do it for you, let’s talk about the “non-scientific” reason why you miss someone.
Generally, you miss someone because you got used to having them around.
Yeah, that one is kind of a no-brainer.
Which is good for us, because isn’t it likely that most of the time you are missing your ex you can get a bit hung up thinking about him?
I mean, how much time are you spending thinking about him and what he might be doing, thinking, or feeling?
Let’s say there is a piece of art in your house and over time, you have grown less fond of that art. You once loved it, but you are starting to maybe think that something else might go better in its place.
One day, you remove it.
At first, you leave the space open. Then you try and fill it with other artistic pieces.
No matter what you will remember how well you thought that piece of art fit in that room when you got it. Occasionally you will wonder if removing it was the right thing to do. You may even consider busting it out of storage to see if you really did like it better than you thought.
Missing your ex is like walking past that empty space and thinking about the art that used to be there… then walking past it again… and then again.
Okay, now that you know the WHY of missing your ex… let’s talk about some of the specific circumstances you might be facing and how to deal with them. We’ll skip the basic, “we broke up and I miss him” scenario since we’ve already covered that in may many other articles.
- Here are the circumstances we are going to cover:
- If You Broke Up With Him
- He Cheated, But You Still Miss Him
- He’s Dating Someone Else But You Still Miss Him
- He Was Abusive, Emotionally or Physically, But You Still Miss Him
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz
If I Broke Up With My Ex, Why Do I Still Miss Him?
So, you broke up with your ex and now are missing him like crazy. You might even want him back.
It’s pretty normal and you can use this to your advantage after a successful No Contact.
During a “successful” No Contact you can take the time to consider your reasons for breaking up with him in the first place.
I mean, did you have really valid, well thought out reason for breaking up with him?
Were these reasons based on “deal breakers?”
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz
Or was the decision merely reactionary and in the heat of the moment and you are now left regretting your actions and decision?
Taking the time to understand why you made that decision will keep you from wasting time trying to get back together with someone you don’t really want to be with.
He Cheated, But I Still Miss Him
You know you have every reason to be ticked off at your ex, but for some reason you find yourself missing him instead. Maybe you are eve mad AND missing him.
The first thing you should do, as always, is No Contact.In this situation, I would definitely go for the long haul, 45 days No Contact. Make sure that you take it very seriously.
During this time, I would encourage you to think carefully about if you want your ex back.
It is up to you to decide whether or not the circumstances of your ex cheatingare something that he is going to repeat and something that you can forgive.
According to Carin Goldstein, an LA-based therapist, there is an easy way to know if your ex will cheat again. Essentially, there are two factors that play into whether a cheater will stay faithful after a reconciliation.
- They take responsibility for their actions. (This is usually after plenty of individual AND couples therapy.)
- Acknowledging what caused the breakdown of their relationship and the factors that played into their choice to cheat in the first place.
Without both of these things, it is likely that they will not stay faithful in the relationship moving forward.
Other red flags are:
- If he blames his cheating on anyone other than himself; you, the other woman, or anything really other than himself.
- If he says you need to “just hurry up and get over it.” This generally means that any remorse they show is not genuine.
That second point is really important too. If you think you can forgive the cheating, then that’s great. But a lot of people think that that means they can still lord the mistake over their ex’s head for the rest of the relationship. That won’t be helpful if you want the relationship to last and be healthy. So, you should take the time during No Contact and make sure that you can handle that.
He’s Dating Someone Else, But I Still Miss Him
So, the two of you broke up and your ex moved on, but you are left missing him like crazy. More often than not, a relationship that starts right after another one ends has been thought about for a while or is a rebound that won’t last long.
If you use No Contact to become Ungettable (read more about becoming Ungettable here if you don’t know the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Term) then your ex will start to compare his new girl to you. As long as you are making the effort to be your best self, he will become painfully aware that he has made a mistake. Making it through a successful No Contact and utilizing the Being There Method along with the other methods laid out in the Ex Recovery Program is imperative if you want to get your ex back.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz
He Was Abusive, But I Still Miss Him
Being in love with an abusive man is often likened to Stockholm Syndrom, however, that would mean that they fall for someone despite being treated badly. In reality, most women in love with an abusive man originally fell in love with a charming man who because abusive over time.
But the real question here is why would a woman stay with a man who is abusive? And how could a woman go back to a man who is abusive? Why are you even considering it?
There are several thought processes that women who stay in, or go back to, an abusive relationshipmight have.
- What will people think?
- What did I do to cause this?
- Who could ever love me? What if I never find love again?
- I don’t want to be alone, might as well stay with him until someone better comes along.
- He might actually hurt me if I don’t do what he wants. So, if he decides he wants me back, I guess I have to go back to him.
- I’m not the kind of personthat gets abused. I can handle this.
- This isn’t really abuse. There are people who have it worse off than me.
Another sign that you might have been in an abusive relationship is the fact that you may have thought about ending the relationship again and again and again, BUT your ex has always found some reason to make you stay.
For example, you have a huge disagreement with your boyfriend. His way of communicating his point by yelling insults and obscenities at you or by getting physical. Yet, every time you consider walking away from the relationship, it’s like he senses it and starts being super sweet or he does something that makes you think that he is sorry and won’t do it again.
And you know what?
He didn’t… until he did.
Then rinse, recycle, and repeat.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz
Okay. I am going to tell you something you probably already know, but don’t want to hear. And I am only going to say this once.
If you are in this type of relationship, it is only a matter of time until it escalates and you get hurt or you feel so trapped that you will never leave.
I DO NOT under any circumstances suggest that you try to get back together with your ex if you even slightly think that this could be you.
Instead, I suggest that you find a way to come to terms with the idea that the breakup may just be your chance to let go of that situation and to find someone who will treat you with respect. Until you do, it is imperative that you learn to treat yourself with that respect.
This won’t be easy as abusive relationships tend to leave a lasting impression on the way you see yourself and your self-esteem. So, talking to a therapist or doing a program made for women who have escaped an abusive relationship is something that may help you through this time.
I will remind you that abuse isn’t always physical. Emotional abuse is just as likely and just a detrimental to your health. Remember, relationships are meant to be based on love and building each other up. If it doesn’t make your life better and build you up, then it isn’t worth it.
I will suggest you read our articles on becoming Ungettable though. Everyone can benefit from building up their self-worth and that is what that part of our program is all about.
Also, I will leave this resource here, just in case you feel you need to use it. I am not saying that you have to, but I want you to know that it exists.
It takes a great amount of bravery to step outside of an abusive relationship and reclaim your life as your own.
All right. I didn’t mean to get off on a tangent, but I thought it was important that this information be available to those of you that need it. Take it and do with it what you will.
A Quick Recap
There are plenty of other situationsin which you might find yourself missing your ex. But, in the long run, what it boils down to is:
Are you better off without the relationship?
How much effort are you willing to dedicate to getting your ex back?
If you determine that getting back with your ex is what is best for you, then you should start with No Contact and Work through the entire Ex Boyfriend Recovery Program.
However, you shouldn’t just choose to get back with your ex just because you miss him for the moment. If it isn’t what’s right for you, then you need to find a way to move forward with your life. I suggest you do that with the Ungettable Girl part of EBR.
Now that you know what makes you miss your ex and several ways to deal with it, let’s talk about your particular situation.
- Tell me about the circumstances surrounding your breakup.
- Tell me what is triggering you in missing your ex.
- Tell me what you have done so far.
Our experts will help you take that information and determine what you need to do moving forward to get you the result that is best for you.
Missing someone after a breakup is normal and happens all the time. It simply means that you had a real connection that meant something to you. It is perfectly alright to give yourself time to heal and grieve the loss of the relationship.What to do when I suddenly miss my ex? ›
- Think about the reasons ending the relationship was for the best.
- Don't hold your feelings inside.
- Take up journaling.
- Stay busy.
- Do not give in to the urge to call or text.
- Go out with friends.
- Focus on self-improvement.
- Consider whether you miss your ex.
There are many reasons why we reminisce about a past relationship. It may be loneliness, it may have been a messy break up with unanswered questions, or – if you're in a new relationship – there may be an element of being underwhelmed, and fantasising about an ex as an outlet.Why do I suddenly miss my ex while in a relationship? ›
During a course of a long term relationship, there is a deep sense of comfortability that develops between two people. You learn about one another and unveil and lot of different emotions. And while all these emotions ceases to exist now, you miss it even more, even when you are committed to another person.Why can't I stop thinking about my ex suddenly? ›
Sometimes, people are still thinking about their Ex for months, or even years after the relationship ended because of lingering insecurities or comparisons they're making — even subconsciously. This is often true when your Ex has moved on before you have.Does my ex still think about me? ›
If you're wondering if an ex still thinks about you, the answer is probably yes. This is simply because we create deep bonds with the people we have relationships with, and our memories of our former partners don't just disappear after a breakup.What exes do when they miss you? ›
- They reach out. ...
- They're excited to hear from you. ...
- They're interested in meeting up. ...
- They're engaged in your social media. ...
- They drunk text/call you. ...
- They keep up with your friends and family. ...
- They keep bumping into you. ...
- They propose being friends with benefits.
- 1 They show up in your dreams.
- 2 A psychic tells you that this person misses you.
- 3 You find a white feather.
- 4 You see angel numbers.
- 5 You break out in goosebumps.
- 6 Your eye twitches.
- 7 You suddenly get a text from them.
- 8 You feel a phantom touch.
- Keep Taking Care of Yourself. ...
- Write a Letter to Your Ex. ...
- Surround Yourself With People You Love. ...
- Expect Healing to Take Time. ...
- Feel the Feelings. ...
- Do Something Kind for Someone Else. ...
- Seek Professional Help.
If your ex calls you often, and it isn't to catch up on things, there is a good chance that he might be thinking about you. If he calls to ask you out or if he calls during times when you never used to talk before, it means he has missed your relationship and can't live without you.
Although it may take your ex to show any signs he knows he hurt you, it does eventually happen especially if you were his source of comfort and happiness. If your man realizes that romantic relationship because of shortcomings or unacceptable behavior from his end, he will regret it.What he thinks when you don t contact him? ›
“No contact” could make him question what he thought he did right. He'll doubt everything from his attractiveness and bedroom skills to his jokes and romantic gestures. He might fixate on every little error he made while you were together, adding to his feelings of regret and insecurity.Why do I miss my ex even though he treated me bad? ›
We feel they love us even though they treat us badly. This contradiction is known as cognitive dissonance, where we believe two contradictory thoughts at the same time. As a result of the contradiction we can become more extreme in our thoughts and behaviours as we wrestle with the disconnect.How long does it take to stop missing your ex? ›
There is no set period. It varies from person to person and depends on the circumstances surrounding their relationship and breakup. Some people may stop missing their ex within a few weeks, while others may take months or even years to fully let go.How do you stop thinking about an ex you still love? ›
Identify your feelings, write them down, and explore the steps that you can take to start releasing yourself from the relationship — the decisions you want to make about your life, and the next relationship you choose to be in. * Think about specific instances where you were in conflict or at odds with your ex.How do I get my ex out of my head? ›
- Distract yourself so you're literally too busy to even think about them. ...
- Establish some boundaries with yourself. ...
- Give yourself some time to feel sad, or mad, or angry, or literally whatever. ...
- Understand that you may still have lingering feelings for this person, and that's okay. ...
- Indulge in alllll the self care.
- Jan 26, 2023. 10 signs your ex regrets breaking up with you. ...
- Reaching out to you. If your ex regrets dumping you, they will try to reach out to you frequently, either through text or social media. ...
- Effort to meet. ...
- Expression of regret. ...
- The mutual friends. ...
- Jealousy. ...
- Efforts to look good. ...
- Contact you.
- He communicates regularly with you. ...
- He answers your calls and texts instantly. ...
- His friends are giving you clues. ...
- He likes all your social media posts. ...
- He asks for your pictures. ...
- He likes your favorite songs/movies. ...
- He loves talking to you about his day.
Yes, guys miss their ex after a breakup. Who doesn't? Unless he was never emotionally attached to his ex, it's hardly impossible for a guy not to miss his ex. Relationships are full of memories, events, feelings, emotions, happiness, disagreements, and everything in life.Can you sense when your ex misses you? ›
There are a few practical signs that your ex misses you, like if they tend to keep popping up in your life or you notice them liking your social media posts. Those are the biggest indicators, but it's best to be straightforward and ask someone if you want to know how they're feeling.
In general, no contact works best on people who tend to act on impulse, and on those with little patience. Because the truth is, during no contact with your ex, they will start to miss you no matter what. What they do with that feeling is dependent on their personality.Does missing someone mean you care about them? ›
"When you miss someone, it means you really care about the person and you value them," says Katie Lasson, Clinical Sexologist & Relationship Advisor. "You need this person in your life because it makes you feel better and you are happier.Can someone sense if you miss them? ›
And if you haven't seen each other in a while, they can still sense it the moment you meet. In fact, they might even get clues that you miss them based on how you text and what kind of things you post online. The person you're missing will sense this fast especially if they're the sensitive type.How does someone act when they miss you? ›
Texting you frequently, talking about you when with friends or others, getting jealous, drunk texting or calling you, trying everything he can to keep the conversation going, and so on are signs he misses you.How do you get over your ex boyfriend when you still love him? ›
- Look for distractions from your feelings.
- Remove any reminders that trigger feelings for your ex.
- Consider taking a social media break.
- Take care of yourself.
- Give yourself time.
- Talk to a professional.
Distancing yourself from your ex gives you space to explore your emotions, gives you the time to process the hurt, gives you perspective, and more, which eventually allows you to move on from the heartbreak. Forget what guys feel when their ex ignores them or what anyone feels when they are cut off by their ex.Why I can't let go of my ex? ›
Put simply, one of the main reasons you're not letting go of a past relationship is because you're lonely right now, said Erika Ettin, a relationship coach and founder of A Little Nudge. "Rather than pining over someone who wasn't right for you, focus on yourself," she said.How a man feels when he hurts a woman? ›
To start with, many emotions go on when a man hurts you. Anger, frustration, disappointment, and resentment are a few of what a man feels when his woman is broken. The specific feeling a man has will depend on what caused the disagreement or fight in the first place.Will he miss me if I leave him alone? ›
You need to keep in mind however that this actually depends on a few factors including how long you were in the relationship, how much he liked/loved you, the reason you split up and so on. For the most part, he WILL miss you and will want you back if you work the situation to your advantage.Do guys regret letting a good girl go? ›
Men don't tend to feel regret straight away. In fact, it can take them up to six months before they start to regret losing a good woman. One of the things that will make him regret it sooner is seeing you with someone better than him.
According to the experts, it will take between two to four months before he starts feeling lonely. He'll be doing everything possible to block out his emotions during this time. But once he surrenders to them, he'll start missing you.How do you make a man chase you again? ›
- Believe You're The Numero Uno Prize. ...
- If He's Not Fully Committed, Make Him Wait Before You Jump To His Needs. ...
- Make Him Make The Move Most Of The Time. ...
- If His Options Are Open, So Are Yours. ...
- Show Infatuation ONLY After You've Secured A Spot On His Roster. ...
- 5 useful tips on how to make him chase you.
Your ex might return for various reasons. For example, they could miss you, still feel in love, or want to work on the conflicts that ended the relationship. In other cases, they might feel lonely, don't want to take responsibility for their actions or feel the breakup wasn't permanent.Why do I miss my ex so badly? ›
It's absolutely normal to miss your ex badly after a breakup. Human beings miss the people they love once they are taken away from them. Missing an ex is part of the breakup grief that everyone goes through. The more you were in love with your ex, the more badly you are likely to miss them.Why did I let him treat me so badly? ›
Having low self-esteem is one of the most common reasons why many people allow their partners to treat them badly. Childhood trauma, a false belief of how relationships work, and even a mindset that your partner will still change are all reasons why you are not doing anything about your situation.Is it worth telling your ex what they did wrong? ›
Reaching out to apologize to an ex for your hurtful actions can be really meaningful to them, as long as it's about making them feel validated and not just about clearing your own conscience. Sometimes it can also be helpful to let your ex know the ways they've hurt you.Why do I miss him all of a sudden? ›
It's natural to miss someone who is no longer part of your life. You may also miss the idea of a person. The person and relationship served a purpose in your life, so when things change, it's natural to miss what your life and routine were like when that person was part of it.What happens psychologically when you miss someone? ›
Changes in brain chemistry: Scientific studies indicate that your brain reacts significantly when you're missing someone you love: The oxytocin and dopamine that's released during a relationship suddenly stop flowing. You become chemically dependent on their presence in your life.What do I do I miss him so much? ›
- Re-reading Old Conversations Might Do The Trick. Save. ...
- Let Him Know You Miss Him. ...
- Look At A Few Old Pictures. ...
- Send Him Some Silly Selfies. ...
- Wear His Clothes. ...
- Watch His Favorite Movie. ...
- Plan Stuff You Will Do With Him When You See Him Next. ...
- Use His Cologne.
Three-Month Rule: After a Break-Up
Basically, after a break-up, the three-month rule is a rule that says you and your ex are both given 3 months before entering the dating scene again. Just waiting it out, and mourning that your relationship ended. Just go on with your individual separate lives and see what happens.
“In many instances, people feel those love-like feelings for quite some time after a breakup. This can vary widely depending on the person, their circumstances and personal history. Some people may just need days or weeks whereas others may take months or years to move on from an ex.”How do you move on from someone you love deeply? ›
- Acknowledge the truth of the situation. ...
- Identify relationship needs — and deal breakers. ...
- Accept what the love meant to you. ...
- Look to the future. ...
- Prioritize other relationships. ...
- Spend time on yourself. ...
- Give yourself space. ...
- Understand it may take some time.
- 1 You can't stop thinking about them.
- 2 They keep popping up in your dreams.
- 3 You run into them unexpectedly.
- 4 You're seeing angel numbers.
- 5 You feel their presence when they're not around.
- 6 You start thinking of them as your soulmate.
You might hear their name too often
It may be a spiritual sign that your ex is missing you. Wherever you go, be it a grocery store, a restaurant, or even on the television, you keep hearing their name. This may mean that you both are connected at some level and your ex is experiencing the same feelings for you.
He seems lost or depressed. Your ex might share sad posts on social media. If you're around him, you may notice that he doesn't seem interested or excited about things anymore. You'll hear from mutual friends that he talks about how unhappy he is or that he's pitying himself.How do you know if your ex secretly misses you? ›
There are a few practical signs that your ex misses you, like if they tend to keep popping up in your life or you notice them liking your social media posts. Those are the biggest indicators, but it's best to be straightforward and ask someone if you want to know how they're feeling.What happens to your body when someone misses you? ›
Changes in brain chemistry: Scientific studies indicate that your brain reacts significantly when you're missing someone you love: The oxytocin and dopamine that's released during a relationship suddenly stop flowing. You become chemically dependent on their presence in your life.What makes an ex realize what they lost? ›
One of the best things you can do to make him realize his mistake is that you simply remind him of the best time you've spent together and leave him thinking about it. You can tell him that you miss the way he made you feel back then and leave him wondering if he is making a mistake by leaving.How do you know if someone is remembering you? ›
- There is Sex Tension or Sexual Tension between You. ...
- You Constantly Miss Someone You Love or Care About. ...
- Sudden Bouts of Sneezing. ...
- Flushed Cheeks or Ears as a Psychic Sign. ...
- You Get Hiccups Out of The Blue. ...
- Your Eye Twitches or Itches Randomly.
Yes, guys miss their ex after a breakup. Who doesn't? Unless he was never emotionally attached to his ex, it's hardly impossible for a guy not to miss his ex. Relationships are full of memories, events, feelings, emotions, happiness, disagreements, and everything in life.
They begin to act like a different person
One of the signs she regrets losing you is when she begins to behave like a changed person. You will notice that they put up a different personality you are not used to. This is usually to make you see them in a different light so that they can win your love again.
Most men who initiate breakups or hurt their partners through their actions or words do eventually experience remorse over losing their beloved. Ultimately, your man will likely realize the flaws in his behavior and actions.